March 19th

Yesterday was March 18th, my birthday—according to what my parents told me. On one side, yesterday, I woke up happy to be on this planet and proud that I was so athletic as a young spermatozoid to beat 100 million others in the race for my mother's egg, but on the other side, this was one more occasion I was going to celebrate without my loved ones; and that made me wonder again if this adventure was worth it. 

Maybe I didn't start the day in the best mood, but my girlfriend took over from there and ensured that my birthday would be special. First, she surprised me with my favorite perfume and a big color photo of her average size b**bs, and then we continued with a morning exercise.

After the good start to the day, I took a shower, put on my uniform, and went for breakfast. On the way to the crew mess, I saw my photo on I-95 together with those of the other crew members celebrating today; I wished myself the best and spent the rest of the day receiving birthday wishes and reminders to buy a drink. Despite all the kind words, I felt that people were busy enough with their stuff and nobody was giving a sh*t about my birthday, but still, in the evening, I went to the crew bar with my girl, friends, and colleagues. 

The atmosphere there was good, but the main celebration was in my cabin, where we moved to after midnight, and for what I was prepared with 30 beers, two bottles of vodka, one bottle of tequila for the Mexicans, and at least ten more liters of beer and spirits we brought from the crew bar later on. We were so focused on drinking and got so drunk that we forgot about the neighbors who reported us, and at about 2 am, a security guard knocked on the door. As a host and birthday boy, I opened the door glowing like a lit-up Christmas tree, but at that point, I had forgotten my name, let alone why we were gathered. What I remember is that in the uncomfortable silence, some of the guys yelled, "It's his birthday!" and the security guard wished me all the best, said the party was over, and asked everybody to go to their cabins. Fortunately, he didn't ask for an alcohol test, so in appreciation, everybody except me, my girl, and my roommate left the cabin within ten seconds. Knowing the business, my roommate went to sleep with his earplugs on, and I had the worst s*x ever.